Hi there, I'm Jennifer!
Welcome! I'm so glad you're here!
It's here that I want to pour my heart out in a real, honest, and raw way. It's here that I pray my words will come from the Holy Spirit and minister to your heart. It's here that I hope you feel Jesus.
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My people...
I am a wife and mother born and raised in Southern California, and I'm blessed to have two wonderful daughters. My eldest daughter is currently living her dream of being an ER nurse. She felt the calling to become a nurse at a young age, and her journey wasn't an easy one. However, with her fighting spirit and the power of prayer, she found her way and succeeded. She has the most beautiful heart of a servant, and I know she significantly impacts the lives of those she helps.
My youngest daughter is also living her dream of traveling the world. She is fiercely independent and made the decision one day to up and move to another country. She absolutely loves it! My momma's heart misses her terribly, but I'm overjoyed to see her living fearlessly and taking the world by storm. Both of my children have a heart to positively impact the world, and I couldn't be more proud and blessed to be their mom.
My husband and I met in February 2018 and were married by mid-August of that same year. Whew! It was fast, let me tell you! Somehow, as I pushed, pulled, and occasionally freaked out at our speed, everything fell into place. Not the first marriage for either of us, but we both felt blessed that God brought us together after everything we had gone through. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and I'm incredibly grateful to have him as my best friend and soul mate.
We are a blended family - my husband has four beautiful children. While being blended has brought us many blessings, it has also presented its fair share of challenges, too. Blended families are more common than not here in my little corner of the world. With our six kiddos, one pup, and two grand-pups, along with our deep passion to be better and do better than our yesterdays, we are a work in progress.
My faith journey...
One Sunday evening in my early twenties, I went to church. That wasn't normal for me. This night I felt an intense desire to go. As I sat there and listened to the sermon given, although I can't tell you anything about what he said that night, I can tell you that the Holy Spirit spoke straight to my heart in a room full of about two thousand people. It was like a spotlight was shining down on me. I felt uncomfortable and heavy-hearted, and this internal battle started within. He called to me like He had done many times before, but this time I answered Him. I got up from my seat in the upstairs pew, and I walked what seemed like the longest walk down the aisle to a stage, and there I prayed the prayer of surrender and gave my life to Christ. My life was never the same after that day.
If I'm honest, my journey with God has been a long and grueling battle at times. I have often wrestled with Him about why a good God would have allowed me to suffer so much pain in life, especially as a child. Despite that, I tried to do all the "right" things. I read my bible and prayed daily, went to church every Sunday, praised and worshiped Him, cut out any secular music, "bad" movies, stopped cussing, etc.
I did all I knew to do to be a "perfect" Christian, hoping it would make me feel this love and adoration that I longed to feel towards Him. But nothing did, and the harder I tried, the worse I felt: about Him, about me, and it was always the thing between us that kept me from any authentic and intimate walk with Him for most of my life. Even after I was "saved," it was still many years of blaming Him, wrestling with Him, not trusting in Him, not believing in His goodness, and mostly, hating Him for what He allowed.
My Story...
I was a victim of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse that started when I was only two years old. I want to say that the abuse only lasted a short while, or it ended in my childhood. But it didn't. I wish I could say that it only happened at the hands of one person, but it was many. It became my "normal," and as a result, I struggled throughout my life with my identity, my self-worth, my ability to set boundaries, and what I could identify as "love." It crippled me, to be honest, and I spent years in a cycle of self-hatred with every bad and self-loathing habit there was. Drugs, alcohol, lying, affairs; You name it; I did it, and I always had an excellent excuse for why I was doing it. I blamed others for my behavior because of what others had done. I hurt not only myself but many of the people I loved most. My self-deceit and inner dialog screamed that I was the victim, and I allowed it to give me the permission I needed for those choices. Behind all of that were my desperate attempts to be seen as loyal and honest. I became fluent in masquerading as a "good" person. Inside, it's all I ever wanted to be.
My hope...
God took my broken heart and life and made something good from it. The bible tells us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalms 34:18. If you are hurting, struggling, or wrestling with God for what He has "allowed" in your life, I would love to encourage you today. Our God is bigger than anything you are going through, and His heart is for You. He is a healer, and there is nothing in you or in what you have done that God can't heal. I have walked this path, seeing God move in countless remarkable ways.
Satan is the father of lies, and his sole purpose is to destroy every aspect of you and your ability to see the good nature of our always loving and merciful God. John 10:10 says, "The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I (Jesus) came that they may have life and have it more abundantly." I wasted alot of years running from God and His goodness. I loved Him, but not with my whole heart. I believed He died on the cross for my sins, but I couldn't accept that I was safe with Him.
For me, the most precious part of my faith journey has been that God isn't afraid of my anger or my awful sins. He's allowed me to blame Him and hate him amid everything I was doing and have done. He never asked me to be perfect but only to be honest. He took it all for me, walking beside me, every ugly, painful, and tear-filled step. Jesus showed me what true love is, and He takes my broken pieces and teaches me how to lay it all on Him because He paid the price for it all at The Cross. He healed me.
He still is.
Many years ago, God put it in my heart that He wanted me to share my story and that ministry was His call on my life. It's been scary for me to think about sharing myself. I have allowed fear and insecurity to grip me for far too long. My sincere desire is to bless you and the Kingdom through whatever words God presses on my heart to share.
I pray you may feel seen here.
I desire for you to experience the extraordinary love of Christ here.
I hope you allow God's grace to cover you here, but most of all... I want you to meet Jesus here.
Let's journey together!
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